Angelica Leal

Caregiver

"My time at Operation Mend was not just about my solider healing, but me as well: a happy, healthy woman supporting her spouse to find our new regular."

The role of a caregiver is exhausting, a long road that anyone can easily get lost on. I lost myself caring for my warrior; I wanted out and sometimes considered all my options and then realized who would care for my spouse and who would guide my children to be well rounded and resilient. ‘Resilient’ is one of those words that the Army uses to keep us chugging along. Rather than admit you are hurt and need help, you keep going until you have reached the finish line. I just did not realize that this new journey or way of life had no finish line.

Caring for another is not for the faint of heart. It took a lot out of me. I was broken and lost, I only cared for my warrior’s well-being and forgot about myself. I was caring for my husband, but I was hindering his recovery and enabling him. I was filled with hatred: of myself, the Army and our life, and it was destroying me and my family. This and much more are the reasons I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to have been offered care by the Operation Mend team. 

                                                                                                                                  --Angie Leal

Angie Leal had been a military spouse for 22 years, participating in many training courses associated with military life, and helping to connect many families with resources. She learned to find a work-life balance, volunteered, worked, attended school, and took care of her family—she did it all. Angie was aware of all the services and how to obtain them, so when she heard the diagnosis presented to her husband, she thought she knew the steps that Army personnel would take to care for him. According to Angie, that was her first mistake. 

The care for her warrior, Juan Leal, began on January 30, 2021, even before he returned to the States from the Middle East, where he had been deployed to Kuwait and Saudi Arabia in Operation Spartan Shield (OSS). “The diagnosis was detrimental and scary,” Angie says, “but I could not express my fears. My husband needed me, he had to have emergency surgery immediately. No worries I thought, ‘he would be flown out of this combat zone to Europe.’ I was wrong.”

Surgery was scheduled for the next day but then continuously postponed. During that time, Angie talked to her husband every day from home in the United States while he remained in Saudi Arabia. Sometimes they talked for three hours or more, whatever it took to keep him distracted. 

Juan finally had surgery in Saudi Arabia, where he was assigned a soldier to escort him to and from all his surgeries and appointments. According to Angie, this soldier was a blessing; he did his very best and advocated for her husband. “When others turned a blind eye because they failed to understand or have compassion for his current medical condition, this soldier made sure to visit with him while he recovered in a tent in the Saudi Arabian desert." Angie continued the long phone calls as Juan recovered. He had limited himself to no visitors, his mental health was deteriorating, and his depression was getting worse. Juan Leal was finally medically evacuated mid-March 2021. He finally arrived home on March 23, 2021.

The Challenges

The challenges were numerous: not only the challenge of normal transitioning after a deployment, but also having to figure out how to tackle Juan’s current medical challenges. The Leal’s were on a new military base and knew no one; they had no established connections. The Leal family of five lived on the third floor in a 1,100 square-foot apartment, and Angie worked from home and took classes online. She only left to take the kids to and from school, attend soccer games and buy groceries. Juan’s medical restrictions and being confined to the third-floor apartment began to affect him. 

Angie was overwhelmed, hoping relief would come soon. “We got Juan’s medical appointments set up and focused on his current medical condition. All I could think of was if we get him fixed, we can get him back to work. I would take him to work as it was deemed dangerous to have him alone in the apartment. Juan was not able to see, his current prescription that he updated before deployment did little to help and he wore an eye patch shaped like a mini colander to protect his left eye. He suffered from balance issues caused by his faulty depth perception. He began to stutter, and his hearing suffered as well." Angie walked him everywhere he went, helping him shower, dress—whatever it took. She drove him an hour to the nearest retina specialist, as there were none on base. Angie didn’t know what care Juan needed, she only assumed. They connected to a nurse case manager and Angie would listen in when Juan talked to them. He always said, "I’m fine, I don’t need anything."

Juan’s mental health took a turn for the worse; he began to get easily irritated and thought everyone and everybody was talking about him and was against him. He started to get possessive and more needy. Angie always repeated, "Whatever he needs, it’s only a short time before he recovers."

Juan’s recovery turned into months and just kept going, according to Angie. “I had to learn to calm him down; he would get angry and then start crying and talking about killing himself. I knew when Juan was more calm, and out of his fight-and-flight mindset. When our family came to help me move out of that 3rd floor apartment that had no elevator, Juan insisted on carrying boxes; he wanted to help but was not able. He was still limited to lifting only 25 pounds or less. Juan insisted on staying by my side and wanted to know what I said and to whom. This quickly turned into its own monster. Juan would not allow anybody else to help him and I was not able to get free time. Our family was far, but our parents made time to visit and try to help him. Juan refused their help, so visitors became my burden, as they made Juan’s mental health worse, along with his stuttering and depth perception imbalance. It got to be too much for me to handle and became my nightmare."

Recovery Begins

"In August 2022, Juan was finally medically retired, and we were in our home, where he was able to move freely inside and outside. We began to get established with the VA and requested couples’ therapy. Juan was not receiving mental health therapy; this would take months to establish and find the right counselor. Fortunately, we were blessed to be assigned a great marriage counselor who saw we needed help; he prepared us for what was to come. I was able to get Juan established with speech therapy, I got him in to see an audiologist and got him hearing aids for his inner ear hearing loss."

Angie was excited to see that Juan was willing to do the work, and she took him on his first trip to Colorado Springs with the Wounded Warrior Project. It was a Health Vet training retreat; they would teach him new adaptive exercise techniques. This is where the Leal’s met other soldiers and spouses who had participated in the Operation Mend program, one of whom let them know the program had saved their soldier and their marriage. Angie knew this was the place she wanted to take her spouse. A speech therapist referred to them by the VA helped Angie convince Juan to participate in this program. He said he would do it for his girls. 

Operation Mend

Angie applied to Operation Mend because she needed help caring for her spouse, who needed resources that were inaccessible while he was still in service during his recovery; navigating the VA system meant they had to keep fighting for the care he deserved. What’s more, their situation was beginning to affect their children, who were facing their own struggles. Angie wanted a program that could support their entire family. 

“When I learned about Operation Mend and my husband agreed to participate, I felt both excited and anxious. The uncertainty about our selection status was stressful, but when I received the call from the staff, it felt like a lifeline, giving me hope,” she says. 

Life-Changing Therapy

“The individual therapy that I received from the Operation Mend team has been life changing. The staff saw that I was lost and needed help; they created my own individual plan of care. I had my own counseling interview sessions separate from my warrior. This allowed me to speak freely, and they respected my privacy. I also attended group counseling with my spouse and other spouses. The group counseling helped me understand that I was not the only spouse challenged by caring for a spouse and every emotion and fear that came with it, with little to no support. I learned that it takes a village, and my village grew while we were there. We participated in equine therapy; our mule wanted nothing to do with us, yet she was the only one willing to bond with us. That mule understood better than we did what was wrong with us and what we needed; she was stubborn and direct. She started cooperating and then she immediately stopped playing with another mule and began to get aggressive with her and climbed on her. We soon learned that our mule was a male, and the mule he was climbing was his mother. My spouse and I learned that we were not listening and communicating in this journey, we were rushing to get back to what life was. We learned that in this journey, there is no going back to how life was. Life was going to be different, and we had to start by taking the time to care for ourselves. Operation Mend allowed us the opportunity to see other ways to de-stress, such as interactive art, equine therapy, Qigong, and nutrition guidance. My time at Operation Mend was not just about my solider healing, but me as well: a happy, healthy woman supporting her spouse to find our new regular."

Caregiver Support

“The mission of the Operation Mend program is to provide comprehensive care for the physical and psychological wounds of war for veterans and caregivers at no cost. Operation Mend included me in the treatment of my warrior and understood the important role I had in his recovery. I had a separate treatment plan and team; the team worked together to ensure that I received the most out of the program. We attended group sessions with other caregivers such as art, equine, Qigong, and nutrition. We had an opportunity to share our concern in a judgment-free environment and they guided us with ‘indirect direction’ to identify and work through wounds that were holding us back from healing. 

Operation Mend helped me rediscover that I was important, that caring for myself was going to be my start to healing. The Operation Mend team listened to what I needed as a caregiver and helped me find my voice and to distinguish my roles as a woman, friend, mother, wife, sister, daughter and caregiver. They understood that each role is important to me and provided the time and counseling to enable me to heal.

The Operation Mend staff saw how important family was to my warrior’s care; when our children were invited to attend Operation Mend’s summer camp, it removed the worry about their care while we were in treatment at UCLA. The team at Operation Mend cared for our children as their own; our daughter’s birthday and a few other children’s birthdays were celebrated and made to feel special. The care team celebrated with cupcakes and a song.

The families present had an opportunity to share their grief and build bonds. We continued checking up on each other and supporting each other; Operation Mend provided us with a safe space to re-engage and build community support at the 3, 6, and 12-month post-treatment group facilitated follow-up sessions."

Progress To Date

"I’m grateful to have received treatment through Operation Mend. Today, I’m a full-time student working towards a bachelor’s degree. Prior to Operation Mend I was struggling to maintain a 2.5 GPA; after Operation Mend, I challenged myself to achieve a 3.5 and I did it. I had opportunities to spend time with my daughters individually. They were also struggling with my spouse. Operation Mend put us in the right state of mind to help them get the right treatment. The training and resources that we received during our treatment was a blessing. We continued with therapy, and we have been doing well and using the tools we learned while attending Operation Mend."